


Trigger, Trigger, 22

by doctorkilljoy



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 23:37:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6774817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorkilljoy/pseuds/doctorkilljoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An examination of the words used to bring the Winter Soldier to heel. Captain America: Civil War spoilers ahead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trigger, Trigger, 22

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this in about two hours and it's unbeta'd. Also it's not really anything that spoils the plot of the movie, but I wanted to add that just in case.
> 
> Title from Chantal Claret's Pop Pop Bang Bang

_Longing_

Deep inside, he could feel it. Under the commands, both verbal and neural. There was something missing. Something he desired. Longing was the only word that suited it. But the pain would come again, and the first wave would wash over him. He didn't scream from pain, he screamed from what he lost. Once it was gone, the screaming continued. But he didn't know why.

_Rusted_

It was never about his arm. The metal it was made of would never rust. How could it? If rusting were possible, they wouldn't keep freezing him. It was his surroundings. A relic of the Cold War, that Mother Russia had lost badly. The base had started to rust years ago, back in the 1970s. It was one of the few times that he'd broken free of his programming, and tried to get home. He was dragged back to Russia in chains, and they changed his activation words again.

_Seventeen_

An old word. Which didn't refer to the year of his birth. He wouldn't have known that anyway. It was one of the first words in his commands, that Zola himself had programmed. He could never have known it was how many Hydra doctors and technicians he'd killed before they could bring him under proper control. When he'd been brought out of the ice the final time, when Fennhoff had gotten his hooks into him... Zola had suggested one word; seventeen. They would need more words as the years progressed.

_Daybreak_

The hope, what Hydra worked for. What Insight had been about, though that was a day in the future, one that was a long way off when it had been slipped into his mind. A new day would dawn, and at daybreak the world would belong to Hydra. One of the more zealotous doctors had inserted it, and with it the dedication to the cause. That he be the Fist of Hydra, to bring the world to order. That was the mission the Soldier had to accomplish. It was Alexander Pierce's flair for the dramatic that brought it about. But it worked.

_Furnace_

It burned. All that he was instilled with, and he was commanded to do. It burned through his chest, the fire chasing its way through his veins. He was called the Winter Soldier, but he always felt as though he were on fire. Indeed, the doctors confirmed he ran hotter than an average person. One had made the comment, "He's like a furnace." Pierce found it amusing, and added it to his programming in the 80's. They never knew that his mind was in flames, his cool exterior wouldn't betray that secret.

_Nine_

He wouldn't forget. The girl had been so small, so fragile. He'd been found cradling her, as though he hadn't understood what he'd done. But he knew exactly. She was dead, and it was because of him. He'd been more compliant after that, but he'd needed more direction. They wanted to keep the docility and get rid of the guilt. They tried to erase it, but all they'd done was bury it. She'd had pigtails, and she'd been nine years old.

_Benign_

Something he'd never be. But the kid been so hopeful. They would normally never have let someone so young into the lab. But he was a wonderkid, and he thought he could really rein the Winter Soldier in. He'd carefully reconstructed the trigger words, and crafted a new identity for him. One that could be used for undercover work. He was the Asset, and the kid had seen so much potential in him. Sometimes when the code word was spoken, he would see the kid's dead, bloated face before his eyes. There was always blood on his lips, and a metal hand at his throat.

_Homecoming_

It was a dream. He knew it was. The closer he got to his default, blank state, it was something he saw in the briefest flash. But it was so real. There were creaking floorboards, a smell of mildew, peeling paint, rickety furniture, dirty windows, a draft... And always a blonde man, with a smile like the sun. He would say a name that he could never remember, and say, "Welcome home." He'd pull the man into his arms, and the vision would fade as fast as it came. It was when he knew he was drawing to the end. He would be a blank slate soon.

_One_

A reminder. There was one single thought that should be running through his head. The mission. Whatever it was, it would always be about the mission. There wasn't room for anything else. He would feel the window closing, what few memories he had being locked out. Like sinking into dark water, that invaded his eyes and ears and thoughts. He didn't drown, but when it reached this word he was ready to let go.

_Freight Car_

The last word, the jumping off point. And it was always the same thought before his memory reset. Blue eyes, a cold snowy day, a fall that goes on forever…

  
And then he is the Soldier. And he’s ready to comply.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://talkingcinemalight.tumblr.com)


End file.
